The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

*Warning: The followed blog contains massive spoilers and unearthly amounts of ranting. Viewer discretion is advised.*

Dear Peter Jackson,
I'm writing this letter to express my complaints about your recent film "The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug". I have many complaints, and hopefully this letter will reveal to you the depths of my disappointment.

As stated, I have many complaints, but I believe I will start with the beginning of the movie.

Your opening scene with Thorin and Gandalf was excellent. Something I looked forward to for a long time. Let it never be said that Desolation of Smaug has a dull opening.

But then came the next scene.

It opened well enough. Bilbo doing surveillance, the dwarves being chased, and so on. But herein lies my first question: we ended The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey with the dwarves having been rescued by eagles. They were resting, safe, on the Carrock. What happened? Was there a timeskip? If so, why is this not clearer?

Anyway, the dwarves start through the forest, after Gandalf tells them that they're on their way to meet a shapeshifter. Said shapeshifter is nice enough when human, but rather animalistic in bear form. Oh, and it's hit or miss, you might catch him human and you might not, so let's run to his house and hope to high heaven he doesn't catch us on the way.

Oh, and there are orcs. Of course.

So they make it to the house, and apparently Beorn (the shapeshifter) isn't strong enough to break down his own doors.

Even in bear form.

So the dwarves get some much-needed rest. A bit later Beorn comes in in human form and serves breakfast... as he tells the tale of how he is the last shapeshifter, that they were all killed eventually by The Necromancer.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck? In the book Beorn's origins were speculated on, but never really explored. And then I see you spinning all this nonsense about a race of skinchangers that were captured when goblins and orcs came from the north. And then torture.

I don't think anyone really wanted breakfast after that little story.

Anyway. Moving on.

So Beorn and Gandalf warn the dwarves about the Mirkwood, yadda yadda yadda. They go to Mirkwood... and Gandalf discovers a mysterious sign that somehow portends evil. So his decision not to join the dwarves in Mirkwood is split-second, not premeditated.

Book deviation count: 5

Now, I'll consider what happens next a timeskip for your sake. The dwarves start well enough, but then lose the path and start wacking out. Illusion, mind games, and such.

In the book they deliberately left the path out of hunger, not madness. Book deviation count: 6

And then spiders. Bilbo is considerably awesomer than he was in the book. Dwarves are considerably stronger than they were in the book. A nice, book-oriented scene is ruined thanks to spiders.

And then the wood elves show up, and we get a first glance of Tauriel, much-famed female wood elf. And I must admit, she's awesome.

Except for the fact that she shows up... to save Kili.

Ordinarily I would rejoice at this. Female warrior and favorite dwarf together in one scene! But not so. And we shall see why... soon enough.

Anyway, the dwarves are marched to the wood elf palace and locked up. Some rather flirtatious dialogue is had between Kili and Tauriel. And then we cut to Thorin and Thranduil.

Admittedly, I was waiting for this. A scene I so wanted to happen. And at last, something goes right: Thorin starts yelling at Thranduil for his betrayal (if that's what you want to call it) that we saw in the first movie.

Thranduil retorts that he tried to warn Thorin's grandfather, what happened wasn't his fault, and he has seen things Thorin doesn't even know about--something about dragon fire, I think.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck? There's kind of a reason we have skin on our faces, you know. And you know what? I'm done. I really don't care if you can justify it anymore, I'm done. This is not the story we know and love.

But for the sake of possible better bits, I persevere.

Thorin is thrown in jail, possibly to rot, since "One hundred years is the blink of an eye in the life of an elf". Thranduil is dramatic if nothing else.

Thorin tells Balin of the deal Thranduil offered, and how he told Thranduil to go... um...

You know, I don't think there's even a way to translate that nicely, so I think I'm going to move on.

Kili is sitting in his cell, playing with this dark stone that has runes carved in it. Tauriel walks by, inquires, and Kili tells her that the runes will curse any non-dwarvish entity that reads them....

...And then decides that he'd really rather make friends with this nice (not to mention good-looking) elf. So he stops messing with her and they start talking.

While Legolas watches jealously from the shadows.

Book deviation count: ∞

Just to say, the chatty dialogue is nice enough... but you made your decision about this movie's level of darkness, Pete, and you can't have romance and dark action in the same movie without some very careful handling. This movie wasn't careful enough.

Moving on.

We then flip to the POV of Bilbo, who is sneaking around the elves' palace. He spies on Thranduil from the shadows as said elf king speaks to Tauriel about the giant spiders that are growing bolder.

Towards the end of their chat, Thranduil roundaboutly tells Tauriel that she is not to become romantically involved with his son, because she is basically not high-born enough.

So forbidden romance all 'round. Seriously, I thought this movie would be more original. But no.

Then we see Bilbo in the elves' cellar-rooms, where he discovers that the elves' empty wine barrels will be sent down the river to Laketown. So he steals the keys, lets the dwarves out, and packs them into barrels.

Now, allow me to back up a bit and explain something: back when the dwarves were at Beorn's house, a rather familiar orc by the name of Azog ordered a different orc--Bolg--to take up the hunt for Thorin, thus rehashing a lot of the tension seen in movie one. So this Bolg is hunting the dwarves, and he's about to catch up them via the river-gate.

You can see where this is going.

So the dwarves start down the river, with Bilbo hanging onto the side of one of the barrels, just as the elves discover that they're gone. Bolg and Co. show up and start trying to kill the dwarves. And since dwarves have, in fact, dropped to Enemy #2 since the orcs showed up, a massive orc-vs-elf battle ensues, with the dwarves in the middle of it.

Did this battle have great combat scenes? Yes. Did it have some other good bits? Yes. Did I like it? More or less. Was it in the book? No!

So the dwarves float down the river in the middle of a battle scene. Then they reach the river-gate that will allow them out of the elves' lands--and the elf shuts the portcullis right before being shot by an orc.

Dwarves are trapped as total orc-vs-elf pandemonium reigns. And then... our intrepid hero Kili realizes that he can, in fact, climb up to open the portcullis if he tries, danger and possible consequences be darned.

So he tries.

And he almost makes it, too. But just as he reaches the lever, Bolg takes aim with his bow and...

Now there's an arrow sticking out of Kili's thigh.

Book deviation count: 12

Long story short, the dwarves (including Kili) make their escape, and Thranduil decides to lock down the kingdom upon learning that some great evil has appeared.

Because putting everyone in lockdown always works when the world is at stake.

However, Legolas learns that before the lockdown order was given, Tauriel left the kingdom to go find Kili, after she learned that he was shot with a poisoned arrow. Legolas decides to follow her.

Book deviation count: 15

And then we flip back to the dwarves.

Our heroes have managed to make it out of the woodland realm and are resting on a riverbank. Their new main problem is discussed: they have no way of getting across the lake the river empties into, and Bolg and Co. would easily run them down if they tried to go around.

As this is being talked over, the shot zooms ominously in on Ori, who is innocently dumping water out of his boots.

Then he looks up.

And sees an archer poised at the top of a rock, ready to shoot.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck? I'm an avid reader of the book, and I'm pretty sure that's not how the dwarves met Bard. But then again, this movie hasn't exactly been a paragon of adherence so far, so I digress.

Book deviation count: 16

So the dwarves speak with Bard. Balin does his best to sweet-talk their new acquaintance into taking them to Lake-town. Eventually he succeeds, but only because he offered to pay double Bard's usual fare.

So the dwarves go to Lake-town, and Bard smuggles them into his house in a painstaking process that involves fish, latrines, and some mildly invoked threats. I have yet to understand why Alfrid and the Master have such a vendetta against Bard. What has he ever done to them? Exist?

Here I'll stop complaining to make a brief note: I like Bard and his family. I really do. If nothing else, they are the one accomplishment made in this movie. For me, at least.

And then, alas... something more happens.

Bard tries to hold up his end of the deal by securing weapons for the dwarves, but Thorin and Co. suddenly decide to be picky about their weaponry. They want iron weapons, the fact that all iron weapons in Lake-town are under lock and key be darned!

You can see where this is going.

Thorin and Co. decide to... break into the town armory and steal weapons.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck?

So they break into the armory and begin stealing weapons. It's actually going quite well. And then Intrepid Hero (aka Kili) comes down the stairs carrying an armload of metal weapons and trying to walk on a wounded,  poisoned leg.

Even worse, when Thorin (Kili's uncle) inquires, Kili claims he's fine, and gets a few more weapons to carry for his trouble.

Guess what happens.

Kili falls down the stairs, dwarves are captured, and Bard discovers that Thorin's appearance means not prosperity but destruction.

Thorin and Co. are marched before the Master, who seems more upset at being woken up than anything else. Before charges can be brought Thorin, being the amazing motivational speaker that he is, announces his identity and manages to convince the people of Lake-town that they will join in the wealth when Erebor is re-taken.

Bard arrives and tries to convince everyone of what he's discovered, but the Master discredits him by pointing out that Bard's ancestor was the one who failed to kill Smaug during the attack on Dale. Thus the dwarves get a proper welcome to Lake-town and there is much rejoicing amongst the townspeople.

A short timeskip is had, and the next we see of the dwarves, they're preparing to leave for Erebor--even though the group is notably lacking in a certain dwarf named Bofur. As the others board the boat, Thorin pulls Kili aside and breaks the news to him: He's not going with them to Erebor.

It's a logical decision--Kili is wounded and would only slow them down when they need to move fast--but it's also a decision that breaks Kili's heart. He and his brother (Fili) grew up on stories of Erebor and now...

Oin volunteers to stay with Kili, since he has healing experience. Fili, angry at his uncle's decision, defies Thorin and also stays behind.

And, of course, we have Bofur, who woke up late and missed the boat.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck? That's four dwarves not going with the others, one of whom only stayed behind because he... woke up late. Seriously? You'd better have a really, really good reason for this.

Anyway.

We flip back to Gandalf's POV, and find that he has come to an old, crumbling fortress. With some difficulty he gets in and goes to meet Radagast the Brown in a certain area. Here we learn that "the Nine" are gone, and thus The Necromancer (who is rising in the south Mirkwood area, at Dol Guldor) cannot be a human sorcerer, since "the Nine" only answer to one.

The Necromancer can only be Sauron.

And so Gandalf is forced to choose: rendezvous with the dwarves as he promised, or go to confront The Necromancer before it's too late?

Under some duress from Radagast, he chooses the latter and they set off.

At Dol Guldor, Gandalf sends Radagast to alert Lady Galadriel to what is happening. And then he goes in alone.

He explores a bit and attempts to expose the evil hiding in the fortress. These attempts are mostly futile, and thus he is caught off-guard when none other than Azog the Defiler attacks.

Dear Peter Jackson: What the heck? In case you need reminding, this is the wizard who took out a freaking balrog. The same guy who ended Theoden's possesion in the halls of Meduseld, who came with the rising sun to rescue Helm's Deep.

And he can't take out one orc?

I am done.

So Gandalf manages to keep Azog off his back, though he's nowhere near as good at it as he should be. He tries to escape, but is stopped by The Necromancer himself.

Gandalf casts a light-shield spell similar to the one he used in Moria, against the above-mentioned balrog. It... sort of works... but in the end The Necromancer is stronger and defeats him.

Okay, nothing wrong with that so far. When Sauron was at peak strength, the five wizards of Middle-Earth combined couldn't destroy him. He's at low power right now (as Gandalf handily pointed out earlier), but he should still be a match for a solitary wizard.

But now comes the bad part.

The Necromancer defeats Gandalf and pins him to a wall, using a wind-like force that seems to come with his swirling dark form. But then a figure clad in dark armor comes walking out of the flames, creating the famous eye of fire Sauron is known so well for.

Dear Peter Jackson: What. The. Heck.

As far as I remember, the last time Sauron had enough power to take on a human form like that was... the Second Age.

Even worse, he was only able to manifest himself then because he was at peak power and possessed the Ring.

Gandalf already pointed out that Sauron is currently at low power. So why the heck is he manifesting himself in a form he's only taken once before, at peak power?

Anyway, scene ends with Gandalf dangling over the side of a cliff in some sort of cage, watching in horror as orcs march toward the lonely mountain.

And with that happy thought in mind, we switch back to Thorin and Co.

Back at the Lonely Mountain, the dwarves refuse to wait for Gandalf at the assigned meeting place and strike out to find the hidden door. They do eventually find it, and wait in anticipation as the sun sinks, for the "last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole", and they need to find the keyhole to get into the mountain.

The sun sets.

Nothing happens.

The dwarves get depressed and make as if to go home, but Bilbo stays around. And as he stand there...

The moon comes out from behind a cloud and illuminates the door in just such a way as to show where the keyhole is.

The dwarves have penetrated Erebor. Finally.

In a way that never happened in the book.

So the dwarves send Bilbo into the treasury, and Balin explains that he's there to find the Arkenstone: a large, white gem that he'll know when he sees it.

Also, not waking the dragon would be a good idea.

And so Bilbo is left, alone, to work his nonexistant magic.

Bilbo sneaks into the treasure-room and searches for a while. But this treasure is huge--about as large as a medium-sized city, I'd say. Searching is all but futile when all the description you've got is "a large white gem".

Then Bilbo inadvertently wakes Smaug, and the two have a passably decent conversation... until Smaug tires of it and begins threatening Bilbo as only dragons can do. He knocks around a bit of the architecture in the treasury, and the resulting noise is heard all the way out at Lake-town.

Bard, being the perceptive, knowledgeable guy that he is, hears the noise and takes his black arrow--the one remaining weapon that can kill a dragon--and hurries to fix it to the dwarf-made bow that lies at the top of the city. Unfortunately, the Master and Alfrid really have it out for Bard now, and he ends up getting arrested while his son, Bain, hides the arrow.

Again, why is Alfrid so out to get Bard? Did Bard outrank him in chess club? Humiliate him in school sports? What happened?

Anyway. While Bard is gone, his house is attacked by--guess who--Bolg and Co. The three unwounded dwarves don't have any weapons, and though they put up a fight it's not looking good for Bard's daughters and Intrepid Hero (aka Kili).

And then, who should show up but Legolas. Closely followed by Forbidden Romance Magnet, aka Tauriel.

The two elves make quick work of the orcs. Legolas leaves to go after the ones that got away, but Tauriel is torn between her duty and her crush. (I refuse to call it 'love'.) Finally she chooses Kili, takes the healing herb Bofur found during the orc attack, and uses it to heal Kili.

And then... okay, I'm going to admit. Out of place though it was, I thought this scene was pretty sweet. Or at least cute.

I mean, come on. At least there wasn't any kissing.

Anway, what happens is this: after being healed by Tauriel (and the poison-curing herb athalas), Kili wakes in a dreamlike state and admits his love for Tauriel, not realizing that the person he's talking to happens to be... Tauriel.

But no outright declarations of love are made on Tauriel's end, so there is yet hope for the sanity of this movie.

Actually, no, there isn't. But the scene was at least decent.

Anyway. Meanwhile, back at the mountain, the dwarves finally go in to help Bilbo. And somehow they conceive what shall henceforth be known as "The Plan to End All Plans".

Or just The Plan for short.

Anyway, the dwarves split up and lead Smaug to the old gold-forges. They trick him into rekindling the fires, and then melt all the gold lying about. Through the power of teamwork and insanely one-sided luck, they all manage to survive stage one of The Plan and then get Smaug to head to one of Erebor's enormous halls. There, Thorin taunts his enemy and then helps break apart an enormous stone mold, revealing a huge golden statue of his grandfather.

It's kind of sad, but I have to admit that that statue was one of this movie's high points.

The statue, which is actually made of molten gold, then melts, drowning Smaug in liquid gold.

But of course this doesn't kill Smaug, because if it did then you, my good Sir Jackson, wouldn't have a third movie to make millions off of. So Smaug breaks out of the gold and flies off to torch Lake-town.

Cue credits.

In conclusion, this movie was utterly disappointing for me. The plot was wildly inadherent to the book, the romance was out-of-place at best, the characters, though interesting, had almost no development whatsoever, and the scriptwriter(s) seemed to have forgotten everything that transpired in the four previous Middle-Earth movies.

To sum up, I will not be viewing "The Hobbit: There and Back Again" until it comes out on DVD, thus depriving you of twenty dollars or so. And, admittedly, I will be much more cautious about sequel films in the future. You have taught me a valuable lesson, Mr. Jackson, bitter though it was.

As a parting note, I believe that this movie can be summed up in a paraphrasing of one of its more "poignant" lines.

"That, my lad... was a flop."

Sincerely,
A Concerned Fan

Music Worth Commending

There are probably few things I like more than music (aside from the obvious, of course). A lot of the music I like reminds me of my writing, but even if it doesn't there's still a chance of me liking it. Some of my favorite bands include TobyMac, Owl City, Britt Nicole, and Needtobreathe. But there is one artist that I wish to commend above all the others, and his name is Howard Shore.

We'll see why in a moment. 

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of instrumental music while I do schoolwork. Since tracks from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey make up quite a few of my instrumental tracks, I've been listening to those quite a bit. And I've also come to formulate a theory hypothesis: Music cannot convey emotions nearly as well as words and images can. 

Why? Well, to start with, words. Words are probably a lot more "real" than music is, because in this day and age we are surrounded by the written word every day. On this webpage alone are thousands of written words. Any literate person can read this words and formulate their own mental meaning/image/argument/etc. to go along with them. So words are more "real" than music. 

Next up, images. Images are even more "real" than words, probably because most human beings input and process images constantly, day after day. Images can be taken in in a fraction of a second and understood in the next fraction of a second. Images generally have no problem conveying what they want to convey. So images are very "real". 

And that brings us to music. 

Music is abstract. We hear it in a fraction of second, yet what we hear does not immediately convey a message the way words do. This is especially true of orchestral/instrumental pieces. And so it can be a lot harder to use an orchestra to convey emotion. 

Which brings me to a final point. 

The only song that has ever truly, primally, scared me is an orchestral, instrumental piece by Howard Shore. It's called The Hill of Sorcery.

Now, it should be noted that I don't listen to a lot of "scary" music, so maybe that doesn't count. But this piece of music is also the only song out of the 208 songs that I like that evokes any sort of true emotion for me. The runner-up is probably Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. But that has lyrics, and works in conjunction with images from a movie-that-shall-not-be-named to make me sad. So it's not a very close runner up. The Hill of Sorcery has no lyrics and, though it is from a movie, is just as scary on its own as in the scene it goes with. 

And that is why I want to commend Howard Shore. 

(A note: If you just want to hear the scary part of The Hill of Sorcery, skip to 1:41 and listen carefully. To see the scene that goes with it in the movie, go here.)

TeenPact: A Lesson In Government

This past Friday (5-3-2013), I was over in downtown Anchorage for a class, specifically called TeenPact. TeenPact is a class/workshop that's designed to teach teenagers about government, legislature, and how  it all works.

Since the class is for teenagers, and I happen to not be a teenager, I had to attend the one-day version of the class rather than the four-day version. But that was probably for the best, because the one-day version sort of eased me into it, if you know what I mean. But, anyway, on with my description of the day.

Unfortunately, the class was scheduled to take place on my father's birthday. Fortunately, he agreed to go with me, so it was sort of our little thing for the day.

Anyway, we had to stop to pick up a sack lunch for the class, so we were five or ten minutes late. We arrived during the introduction, which I didn't mind, and ended up sitting in the back of the room, which I sort of minded later on.

At the end of the introduction, we were introduced to Michael Wagner, who would be doing most the speaking during the class. He, in turn, introduced all of us to the other... erm... I really don't know what to call them. 'Teachers' doesn't sound right because they were only about nineteen or twenty years old. But they definitely weren't students... if you know the term, don't hesitate to tell me.

Anyway, moving on, after that we prayed and had a short worship time (which was also fun, but I won't go into that here). After a short explanation of the three kinds of elections, we were divided into three parties to hold our own primaries.

Each party had to elect one governor and two senators. We didn't really bother with nominations--if you wanted to run for governor or senator, you were allowed to run.

Once we had our nominees for governor, each nominee was asked questions by the... uh... helper assigned to our party. Then we voted, using the good ol' fashioned method of covering our eyes and raising our hand when we wanted to vote for the person whose name had been called.

Once that was done, we went back out into the main room with the other 'parties'. The senatorial nominees were called up and had to answer a list of questions. One of the points that was stressed was that name recognition is important. This is important because if people don't know you name, they won't vote for you. So each nominee was supposed to start and end their answer by stating their name.

Next, the gubernatorial nominees were called up. (Gubernatorial is a term used to reference nominees for governor.) They, too, had to answer questions. Then the ballots were passed out, and we voted by marking down the name of our preferred candidate. All of the ballots were turned in, and then it was time for our field trip to the governor's office!

We all collected into one large line/mass, left the building, and started walking. The governor's office was about four, five, or maybe six blocks away--not far, in any case, but a bit uncomfortable when you're not used to wearing a skirt. I'm sure we looked a bit out-of-place: thirty-plus kids in nice clothes just strolling through the city.

Out-of-place or not, we reached the correct building quickly and then rode up to the seventeenth floor in groups, since the elevators obviously weren't large enough to accommodate the whole group. Once all of us were on the right floor, we went in.

First we got to see the governor's conference room. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that much fancier than any other conference room I've seen (though the dark wood paneling on the doors did look like chocolate... yum). We also got to take free copies of the Constitution. Then we were allowed into the governor's real office.

Unfortunately, the governor wasn't there. But the office was big, big enough to accommodate thirty-plus kids without (too much) crowding. The view was amazing, though. The cars looked like matchbox cars, the view of the mountains was breathtaking. Several kids took turns sitting in the governor's chair. I didn't. After a certain amount of time for sight-seeing, each of us gathered into groups and prayed for the governor. Then we left, rode the elevators down, left the building, and walked back to our original building. And then it was time for... lunch.

Lunch ended at 1:05 p.m. Once that was over, Michael Wagner got back up to talk. It was time to learn about the legislative process--in other words, how laws are made. And fortunately for us, Mr. Wagner just happened to have a 50-minute lecture on the subject.

Fun.

So we got out note-taking materials and prepared ourselves for the boring part... only to find out that we were actually going to watch a skit put on by the helpers.

The skit was long, but that was okay because there was plenty of humor, it effectively taught us about the legislative process, and we got candy. :-D When the skit was finally over, we got to try out the process ourselves, using the bills we had written as part of our 'homework' before the class.

First off was a read-through of the bills. We all formed into one long line, and began reading our bills aloud one at a time. Usually we got about as far as the first section before Mr. Wagner banged the gavel and assigned the bill to a committee.

This wouldn't have been as fun if it weren't for some of those committee names. Our TeenPact legislature seemed to have a committee for every subject. For example:

A bill protecting innocent insects from being killed by humans? Assigned to the Bug's Life Committee.

A bill stating that all children should be kept from eating broccoli? Assigned to the Amen Committee.

A bill allowing children ages 10-17 to vote? The Little Big Guys Committee.

A bill giving cyclists their own bypass so they wouldn't take up a lane in traffic? The Get Off the Road! Committee.

And those were only some of the more memorable ones.

Once that over with, we were divided up into a few small committees to discuss the bills. This was fun. The helper assigned to our committee, Shelby, would read a bill, then ask if the author was present. If the author was present (and they usually were), they would get up to talk briefly about their bill, then open it up for questions. We could ask questions, but we couldn't state anything unless we were in the speaker's area (called the well). We could move to vote on the bill unless the well was empty.

We went through a few bills this way, then voted once of the rest of the stack so that we could go back out to join the other two committees. There, we did much the same thing. The bill in question would be read in its entirety by the clerk. The author of the bill would come up to talk about their bill, questions would be asked, and (in some cases), amendments would be suggested, passed, and/or rejected. In many cases, an amendment would be suggested, and then a student would move to vote. There would be an objection from some other student(s), and that would lead to us voting on whether or not we should vote! It was fun and engaging, and I even managed to get an amendment passed on a bill allowing children to vote.

Unfortunately, we only got to go through maybe five or six bills. At 4:00 p.m., one of the helpers moved to adjourn the meeting permanently until the next year's class. And, surprisingly or unsurprisingly, there was a majority vote not to adjourn. Unfortunately for us, we were out voted by the director of the class. So our committee adjourned, and that was end of the 2013 TeenPact class.

So, as I learned, government skills are not hard to learn. In fact, though it may seem daunting, the legislative process is actually simple at its core.

What are your thoughts on government?

The Many Faces of Evil

Before I start in on this, please just note that this post probably isn't going to be as dark as the title may imply. Just bear with me for a moment and you'll find out why I called it this.

To start, has anyone heard of Jim Weiss? Anyone? (Rhetorical question.) Well, in case you haven't, Jim Weiss is a narrator, among other things (I think). He narrated The Story of the World and has a number of re-told stories on audio. During an IDEA curriculum fair here in Alaska, we had the privilege of getting to hear him speak on a topic that I was very excited about: villains, both in real life and in stories.

One of the things I liked about the talk was that Mr. Weiss made several references to Lord of the Rings. This having been said, he started off with what may be the most well-known type of villain: the Dark Lord uber-evil over-arching totally bad supervillain. And of course, he used a well-known example: Lord Sauron from LotR.

Sauron is obviously the over-arching villain of the trilogy. He created the One Ring, and the whole problem is that he now wants it back, for the purpose of destroying/enslaving/taking over the world.
[Insert totally off-topic rant about how Isildur is a complete jerk/idiot for not destroying the Ring when he had the chance here]. So we have Sauron, the supervillain.

But there is something interesting about Sauron that you will notice (at least once it's pointed out to you). J. R. R. Tolkien never actually shows us Sauron. We see Sauron's minions all the time, and we see what they're doing to Middle-Earth. We even know what Sauron looks like. So we know he's real, very real, and yet we never actually see him. 

Now the movies may have ruined this effect by physically showing us Sauron more than once. But in the books, this is very well-preserved.

The Warriors equivalent to this type of villain would be Tigerstar. In the Wingfeather Saga, it's Gnag the Nameless (to a very similar extent, in fact). In Harry Potter, the main villain is obviously Voldemort. And then there's Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine of Star Wars. The point is, most stories have a general over-arching villain.

Then there is the next type of villain. The suave, smooth-talking villain that promises he'll give you whatever you want... if you'll just do x for him. The way Mr. Weiss actually illustrated this is by using the example of Satan.

Satan, Satan himself, would fall into the category of the over-arching supervillain. We all pretty much know this. But what about Satan's alter ego Lucifer?

Lucifer, to answer my own rhetorical question, would qualify as the smooth-talking villain described above. He doesn't appear blatantly threatening--far from it, in fact. But he very insidious and very dangerous.

The character Sol from Warriors definitely qualifies as this type of villain. He is very smooth-talking and is frequently forgiven by characters that he wrongs. Yet he is a villain. Actually, this deceptive tactic of his is quite frustrating. The characters frequently see him as non-threatening, when most of the time he's behaving in a way that makes you want to drop-kick him right out of the story.

Another example I can think of is Grima Wormtongue from LotR. It's obvious--especially in the movie--that Grima is a lying creep, but the only person who tries to address this is banished, and no one else tries to resolve the matter until Gandalf shows up.

Another example is Semiramis from the series Dragons in Our Midst. Semiramis is the mother of a one of the villains, and she is a villain... I think. Seriously, half the reason I hate her so much is because it's been literally impossible for me to figure out which side Semiramis is on. First, she's helping  her son take over the world... but then he's brutally mutilated by the other bad guy, so she goes over to the good side and helps save a young girl's life. She even tells the good guys how to get around the bad guys' scheme... but wait, her 'solution' was really just part of the plan all along! Hah! She's a bad guy! Wait, hang on, no, she still hates the real bad guy, she's just trying to get what she can out of it too. No, she's a bad guy, she's trying to kidnap Bonnie. Oh wait, no, she's only helping her son, and now she's helping out the protagonist... Wait! She just kidnapped someone! Oh, wait, no... ARGH. See what I mean?

I'm sure there are many other villains who fall into this category, but I can't currently think of any, so I'll leave it at that and move on to the next category.

This third type of villain is perhaps the worst of them all. Mostly due to the fact that he is rarely recognized as a true villain. This is the villain who is evil, unfalteringly evil, and yet he looks just like one of us. He could be one of us. He was one of us. But he chose to be evil.

This type of villain is very insidious, because they are so easy to pass up. They look normal, and usually act normal. There's nothing to suspect.

Or is there?

In other cases, this villain was originally a good guy/on the good guys' side/neutral. But he became a villain, and now he's in prime position to betray the good guys as soon as their backs are turned...

Do you now see why I occasionally yell at my books?

I'll use Lord of the Rings as an example for this one. Take Boromir. He begins lusting after the One Ring early on, and we see this when he suggests that the Ring be used for good (which is completely impossible, btw). From that point on, we slowly begin seeing Boromir's lust as it grows, up until the point where he threatens Frodo in an attempt to get the Ring. My point here, however, is that originally, Boromir's excuse for wanting the Ring was more or less "I'm going to use the Ring for good. I'm going to use it to save my people." The same with Denethor, in fact. But neither of these characters lived to see the end of the war.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

Ahem...
A fourth category of villain, which seems to be  fairly new, is demonstrated in the popular series The Hunger Games. What is this type of villain, you ask?

The system.

In Hunger Games, the system is the spider that sits at the center of the web. The system is what's brought about everything: Panem, the Districts, the Hunger Games, and the vicious cycle everyone lives in. To triumph, the rebels have to defeat the system and start from scratch. It's the same (at least I think it is) in 1984 (I say I think so because I've never actually read it).

As Mr. Weiss pointed out in his talk, this new villain known as 'the system' may stem from the growing amount of conspiracy theories today, which it turn may come from our desire to know why things happen. Why was President Kennedy assassinated? Who did it? Was it just one person, or were there more?

We may never know the answers...

In conclusion, there is more than one type of villain to be seen--both in stories and in life. There is more than one road to evil... which is why it pays to read stories. :-D

So what are your thoughts on villains in stories? What about villains in real life? Please tell me!