How to Tell if Your Dog was Raised by Cats

This is my dog, Joe. Now, to the untutored eye of the ignorant layman (Calvin and Hobbes reference, yay!) Joe may look like an ordinary chocolate lab. But I'm here to let you in on the secret: he isn't. 

For one thing, Joe is the biggest wuss of a dog this side of the Mississipi, but that's (mostly) irrelevant. The BIG secret is that Joe was raised by cats. 

At least, that's my theory. It may sound crazy, but there's proof. Here's a handy questionaire/psuedo-advice-column to explain the proof and help you determine if YOUR dog was also raised by cats. 

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Question #1: Help, my dog is purring!

Don't worry! This is a perfectly normal, if unorthodox, function of your dog's vocal chords. To most, this sound will appear to be a low growl. Your dog will probably make this sound over and over as he receives attention if he truly intends to purr. 

Clearly, this sound is/was meant as an imitation of a cat's purr, which is what your dog would have grown up hearing if he really was raised by cats. 

Question #2: My dog is afraid of cats and other dogs! Why?

If you've ever studied the behavior of a cat, you've seen that they tend to be aloof around other cats, and wary if not outright afraid of dogs. If your dog was raised by cats, he would naturally have picked up some of these behaviors. This is completely normal. 

Question #3: My dog keeps licking himself, all over his body. Why does he do this?

This, of course, is a behavior your dog would have learned from his foster mother, a cat. Cats are well-known for their ability to clean themselves; any dog raised as a cat would attempt to replicate this behavior. Unfortunately, most dogs don't really have the ability to clean themselves this way; but since most dogs also don't have the mental capacity to realize this fact, it's kind of a moot point. 

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Of course, these are just a few of the many odd behaviors a dog raised by cats would express. These are the three cat-like traits that my dog Joe tends to exhibit; of course, your dog may be totally different. The point is, if your dog was an orphan raised by cats, you'll find out one way or the other. 

So what do your think? Was your dog raised by cats? Was your cat raised by dogs? Was your fish raised by hamsters? How can you tell? Any quirky pet stories are fine by me!

Until next time—ciao!