New Year's Eve Special

Okay, so tonight I'm inviting all the cats in Warriors over to the blog for a New Year's Eve party! Several of them have accepted, and we're planning a wild night! This is gonna be fun!
Yellowfang will speak in bold.
Spottedleaf will speak in italics.
Purdy will speak in underlines.
Jayfeather will speak in blue.
Cinderheart will speak in pale green highlights.
Lionblaze will speak in gold.
Sorreltail will speak in hot pink.
Russetfur will speak in red.
Mousefur will speak in brown.
Blossomfall will speak in green. {Not to be confused with Cinderheart.}
Lilykit will speak in pale purple.
Firestar will speak in pale pink.
Brokenstar will speak in bold dark purple.
Leopardfoot will speak in dark blue italics.
Lionheart will speak in underlined dark red.
Midnight will speak in bold underlined italics.
I will speak in regular font.

Let the party begin!

Happy New Year's Eve! Is everyone here?

I think so.

Hi, Spottedleaf. How've you been?

Fine. Though Clawface was being a jerk the other day...

Why were you talking to him? He's in the Dark Forest, isn't he?

It's a long and gruesome story that I shall not go into in front of Lilykit.

Pig latin.

Fine. So, Iay asway alkingtay otay Irestarfay inay neoway ofay ishay reamsday. Hentay--

Never mind. It would take forever for you to tell a story like that.

Has anyone seen Lionblaze or Cinderheart? They RSVP'd, but they haven't--

Hi everybody!

'Sup, everyone. Hi, Jay.

Hi, Cinderheart! How'd your date with Lionblaze go?

Oh, it was great, Blossomfall! He took me to the nicest restaurant...

Where?

Plumwillow's. It was so romantic...
Hi, Sweetie! Did you enjoy your date?
Oh, it was perfect...

Ooh! Dr. Pepper! Can I have some Mommy? Please?

Of course you can, Sweetheart. It's New Year's Eve.

Speaking of sweets...do you know where Sweetpaw is, Yellowfang?

She wanted to come, but Swiftpaw asked her to the StarClan New Year's Eve dance.

Hiya, young'uns! We brought music!

Oh, hi Purdy, hi Mousefur.

Okay, Trans-Siberian Orchestra or Led Zeppelin?

Um, why don't we do Newsboys instead, Purdy?

Okay. *Starts playing Newsboys at top volumn.*

Turn it down, Purdy! *Music turns down.* Thank you.

Alright, Jayfeather, where's this surprise you promised me?

Relax, Mousefur. I was just about to announce it. Guess what, everybody! *Everyone quiets down* I got to look at the current allegiances for Aurelia's Star Wars/Warriors crossover!

Really? Who was I cast as?

You're Shaak Ti, Russetfur.

How about me?

You're Luminara Unduli.

Great. I got a character with approximately four and a half seconds of screen time.

At least you got that much. Blossomfall is Siri Tachi, and she doesn't get any screen time.

Curse you terrible Star Wars prequels!

I'm posting a link to the planning page so you can all look at it.

Awesome. I want to see who I got.

I don't think you got any roles, Sorreltail.

Go tell it to the Clan Leader, Cindersue!

Who is taking my great and mighty name in vain? And even worse, who is dissing my--What the fox-dung?

Please, Firestar! There is a kit here!

Sorry, Sorreltail. It's just, why the DF am I speaking in pale pink?

Because I was running out of colors. Anyway, it's a nice color. I think it fits you.

Shut up. Anyway, as I was saying--Who is dissing my BFF's apprentice's daughter? *Silence.* Fine! But whoever it is, I will get you eventually! *Randomly disappears.*

Um, Jayfeather? Who's Siri Tachi?

Adi Galli's Padawan. Best friend of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and later Master to Ferus Olin.

Thank you, Mr. Wikipedia.

Shut up, Lionblaze. No one gets the Kane Chronicles reference.

Dang it. I didn't get a part.

Neither did I.

Yet. You didn't get a part yet. Emphasis on the yet.

Well, I got Anakin Skywalker!

And I got Padme Amidala!

Be quiet, all of you. You're going to ruin it for the audience!

We have an audience?

*Extremely awkward silence.*

Well, that put a damper on my evening.

Alright, next on the agenda we have--Name That Medicine Cat! First clue: This medicine cat a complete Sue. First medicine cat of ThunderClan during the Original Arc, she is a is a small, slender, lithe, orange-and-brown, dark  tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with a distinctive dappled coat, small white paws, a white chest, and a white muzzle. One of her eyes is rimmed with darker fur than the other, she has a black tipped, gold-and-brown striped tabby tail, and soft fur. She has a mottled face with a small pink nose, and warm, large, pale, clear amber eyes.

Um--Spottedleaf?

What?! That's the official description of me from the Warriors Wiki Website! Who wrote that card? And I am not a Sue!

Well, that's--weird. Next clue: This medicine cat is a jerky, small, thin, silky, mottled gray tabby tom with blind, brilliant, clear, blue eyes, a short, slender tail, skinny shoulders, strong, lean muscles, and a scar running down one side. He can walk in dreams and is a son of Leafpool.

Jayfeather?

That is so not fair! That's my official description too! And I'm not a jerk!

Uh, actually, Jayfeather, you are a jerk.

Okay, but that's not the point! Where did you get those cards?

I sure as mouse-dung don't know.

Swearing! Really, guys, I'm going to start charging a dollar a swear word if this keeps up!

Sorry. Next clue: This medicine is the jerkiest of them all. She's a totally ugly Persian kittypet with--um, maybe I'd better not read that next part in front of Lilykit. The point is, it's Yellowfang.

Oh, that is it! It's enough to see Spottedleaf and Jayfeather picked on, but me? That's just--just--it! I'm calling StarClan's Complaint Center!

Oh dear.

Mua ha ha ha!

Whoa! What the sprinking crow-food-eating fox-dung? Brokenstar?

Yellowfang, that'll be three dollars.

I made those Name That Medicine Cat cards! They insult every medicine cat in the history of the Clans and there's nothing you can do about it! Mua ha ha ha--*cough, cough*--ha ha ha!

We'll just see about that! *Yellowfang leaps at Brokenstar*

*The following violence is far to graphic to be shown here.*

Well, thanks to you crazy people cats, I think Lilykit is scarred for life now! We're leaving!

Well, since Sorreltail and Lilykit are gone, we'll have to select two random canonical characters. Beam 'em up, Scotty!

You're so unoriginal.

Since when do you watch Star Trek, Aurelia?

I don't. And here come the characters! *Leopardfoot and Lionheart randomly appear.*

Where the mouse-dung am I?

Um, I think we're at that party Aurelia was throwing.

Oh. Well that's cool, I guess. Hi, Spottedpaw!

It's Spottedleaf now, Leopardfoot.

Right, right. Well, what are we doing?

Well, we were playing Name That Medicine Cat, but Brokenstar sort of crashed it. Then Yellowfang beat him up and--say, where is Yellowfang?

*Yellowfang is on the phone in the corner*

Seriously, Adderfang, pick up already! Okay, there we go. Hello? Yes, this is Yellowfang. I'd like to place a complaint about Brokenstar. He's trying to crash Aurelia's New Year's Eve party.

She's being surprisingly calm about this.

Oh yeah? OH YEAH? Well, you can go tell your mangy, crow-food-eating Leader that, you frog-dung-smelling fox-heart!

Never mind.

It's a good thing Mom and Lilykit weren't here.

Well, on that disturbing note, it's time for snacks!

Oh awesome! Coffee!

Lionblaze, don't you dare.

Aw, come on! Why not?

Remember what happened last time?

Oh. Good point.

Yum, pretzels! Delicious!

Raspberry crepes! I love those!

Tortilla chips and hummus! My favorite!

*Firestar randomly appears.* Oh, Meow Mix! I love that stuff!

Firestar... you eat... kittypet slop?

What? It's delicious! De-lic-ious!

I don't think anyone gets the Tim Hawkins reference.

Well, anyway, lay off, you racists! Just because I eat kittypet food doesn't mean I can't be Leader!

Firestar, that's breaking the warrior code.

Whatever. I break the warrior code plenty anyway. One more rule isn't going to hurt.

I never thought I'd see the day...

Well, um, anyway, moving on! It's almost midnight, after all!

Greetings, young ones. I come to see Jayfeather.

That was a terrible pun.

Hey, it's not my fault!

Yeah, actually, it is.

Anyways, it's time to count down to the new year! Do it with me! 10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

All: IT'S A NEW YEAR!

Me: Happy 2013, everyone!

 

Credits

• All characters included in this spoof are canonical Warriors characters. They are the property of Erin Hunter and do not belong to me.
• The link in Blossomfall's line goes to an excellent blog by Kristen Lamb about the Star Wars prequels.
• Star Wars is the property of George Lucas and does not belong to me.
• The link in Yellowfang's quote about StarClan's Complaint Center goes to a hilarious spoof on the Warriors forums by Cranestar.
• All linked names go to the appropriate pages on the Warriors Wiki website. There is also a link in one of Spottedleaf's lines going to her page.
• Warriors Wiki is a free domain on the internet and does not belong to me.

Please enjoy this fun and insanely long spoof, and have a wonderful New Year (Eve)!

 

My Favorite Cats

**Warning: This blog may be weirder and/or contain more spoilers than previous posts on this blog. If you cannot stand weirdness and/or spoilers, leave this blog right now.**

Happy Christmas break, everyone! Yup, today is our first day of Christmas break, so to celebrate, I'm going to talk about my current second-favorite series, Warriors!*
Since I already gave you the gist of the series,* today I'm going to talk about my all-time favorite--and all-time least favorite--cats in the series!

Favorites



Jayfeather--Mottled gray tabby tom with blind--
*Muted crash* *Sound of scuffling* Jayfeather, get away from my computer! Okay, sorry about that. Jayfeather tried to hack into my account. As I was saying:

Jayfeather--Mottled gray tabby tom with blind blue eyes.
Jayfeather has to be my all-time favorite cat of the entire series. He's a medicine cat, meaning he knows how to use herbs to heal wounds. He's pretty cranky in general, but underneath that he is very sweet. Despite being blind, he has the power to walk in other cats' dreams, along with reading their thoughts & memories. The thing that annoys him most is people cats referring to his blindness or pitying him because of it. Oh, and I hate Leaf--
*Muted crash* *Sound of cat screeching* Jayfeather, for the last time! Get away from the computer or I'll call Leafpool! Sorry. I think he's gone for good now. On with the post:

Ivypool--Silver-and-white tabby she-cat with dark blue eyes.
I like Ivypool because she's brave. She doesn't have any special powers like certain cats, but she's willing to spy in the Dark Forest for her Clan. Ivypool risks her life nightly. The thing that annoys her most is being compared to her ultra-perfect sister, Dovewing.

Phew, I got through that one without any interruptions! Maybe this'll go better than I thought.

Bluestar--Blue-grey she-cat with brilliant ice-blue eyes.
If you've referred to my other post (or better yet, read the series), you know that the suffix -star means that the cat is leader of their Clan. Bluestar is leader of ThunderClan at the beginning of the series, and she's both my favorite female warrior and my favorite leader. She was mentored (trained) by the former leader of ThunderClan, Sunstar. She did go somewhat crazy after her deputy Tigerclaw betrayed her, but she spent the last of her nine lives saving her clanmates from a dog pack. She is a strong, patient leader and few things annoy her. Don't listen to that, Bluestar was a weak piece of fox-
*Loud crash* *Sound of sirens in distance* Tigerstar! Off! Yes, you heard me, off the computer! You hear that? That's the StarClan Safety Patrol on their way to pick you up! Don't you dare touch that keyboard! Don't make me use this fire extinguisher!
*Sound of cat screeching* *Muted sound of car screeching out of driveway* Phew! Is there no peace here? Hang on, I'm going to get a security guard over here to keep these cats away from the computer. Please stand by...

Okay, Yellowfang's got a patrol guarding the perimeter, so I will now proceed with my least favorite cats from the series...

Least Favorites



Spottedleaf--Lithe dark tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with large amber eyes.

Spottedleaf is a Sue--a character who's perfect, beautiful, who always does the right thing and whom everyone loves. Firestar first falls in love with her, but she dies a heroic death (of course) while trying to keep a litter of kits from being kidnapped. She is a medicine cat who often walks in Jayfeather's dreams. She has been accused of stalking Firestar & his family members.

 

Yellowfang? What are you doing with that sack? And that duct tape! Did you ask if you could get that from the office--

*Muffled scuffling* *Sound of cat screeching* *Sound of door slamming*

Okay, this is Yellowfang. I locked Aurelia in the closet. She's giving Spottedleaf, and us medicine cats in general, a bad name! No, Spottedleaf, I won't let her out anytime soon. That mouse-brain deserved it--what the DF? How the hey do you work this thing? Stupid computer--augh! That's frinking it! No, Raggedstar, I haven't been reading Guardians of Ga'Hoole! Get off my case! Spottedleaf, you take over.

Thank you, Yellowfang. Spottedleaf here. I am not a Sue! And I am not stalking Firestar! I love him! And I'm trying to help Jayfeather and get him to see what he's meant to do! And how is it my fault that I'm pretty?

*Sound of door slamming* *Sound of cats screeching*

Okay, I'm back. I threw Yellowfang out the window and stuffed Spottedleaf under my bed. Raggedstar is on guard duty now. Don't listen to anything Spottedleaf said above. She is a stalker and a Sue! Now, on with my least favorites...

 

Dovewing--Smoky grey she-cat with brilliant blue eyes.

Dovewing is Ivypool's sister and a total Sue. She is perfect, beautiful, and to top it all off, has a special power--she can see, hear, and smell things far away from her. Her perfectness annoys Ivypool, and almost causes Ivypool to join the Dark Forest.

 

Firestar--Lithe ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt and brilliant emerald eyes.

Firestar isn't quite so much of a Sue as Spottedleaf or Dovewing, but he's still too perfect for my taste. His flaw is that he is extremely paranoid and afraid that he will mess up as leader. He has quite a large family, despite being a kittypet (house cat) before joining ThunderClan. He is mate to Sandstorm, father to Squirrelflight and Leafpool, uncle to Cloudtail, great-uncle to Whitewing, great-great-uncle to Dovewing and Ivypool, and grandfather to Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf. He is also known to--

*Sound of glass breaking* *Sound of multiple cats screeching* Ahhh! Help! Raggestar! Yellowfang just launched a full-on attack, so I think we might need to--ouch! Squirrelflight, get off me! I didn't mean to diss your father--augh, don't do that, Nightcloud! Please! You don't know how much money that cost! Okay, I need to deal with this, so I'm signing off for--help! Russetfur, over here!

*Signal lost*

 

*Please see previous blog, 'Warrior Cats'.